As we ease into the semester—or perhaps it’s more accurate to say, as we are thrown unwillingly into a new term—change is on the horizon. With classes online, Big Suze stepping down, and a new season of Too Hot to Handle soon to be released, there’s so much up in the air. Forget your academic advisor—The McGill Tribune is here to help you map your course of action. Find your sign below for completely accurate and not-at-all made-up astrological predictions.
This is your warning, Aries: If your professor asks you why you took their class, do not reply that it is because of them. You may be a fan, but you’ll save yourself some embarrassment if you keep that to yourself. (It’s also best not to mention the book of quotes from them that you’re currently compiling.)
Redpath Café may be closed, but your kitchen definitely isn’t. It’s time to start going easy on the home-brewed cappuccinos, Taurus (we can feel your jitters from all the way over here).
We’re going to go out on a limb to say that you’re not enjoying those long and verbose emails from the provost, Gemini. Are we right? We thought so. This is your sign to follow Spotted McGill (@spottedmcgill) for much-needed recaps in everyday language.
It’s time to check your Slack DMs, because you’ve got a secret crush. Play it cool though, Cancer; you know your worth.
We can hear your sighs all the way from the Tribune office—we know you’re looking for love, Leo. If you’re searching for a sign to do something about it, look no further; why not give Datamatch a try? Be on the lookout for the matchmaking service’s 2022 edition.
Have you noticed that all your guests leave their sunglasses on inside your apartment? They may be too polite to tell you this, Virgo, but it’s time to stop collecting those neon construction signs. We know nothing says “Plateau Chic” like a bright orange “Rue Barrée” sign, but at some point, you have to think of the guests.
This may be a long shot, but we’re sensing that you’re an Arts major. Are we right? Please let us know—we’re in desperate need of validation.
It’s time to stop messing around and ask yourself an important question: Do you really want to be taking The Art of Listening online? We know you’re definitely registered because you have a passion for the subject matter, so we’d hate for the quality of your education to suffer this semester.
Now is looking like a great time for you to donate to Big Suze’s GoFundMe. She needs your help (especially in light of recent events).
Uh oh! I just spilled my decaf caramel macchiato on my charts so I can’t see what the stars hold in store for you! But if I remember correctly, it did involve some form of studying.
You know that personal anecdote you’re thinking of bringing up in your conference? Perhaps you’re better off keeping it to yourself. Don’t get us wrong, we certainly find your personal experiences with the Montreal Metro system of the utmost interest, but it’s worth asking yourself whether those in POLI 342 will feel the same way.
So you made it this far? Joke’s on you!