Joke, Student Life

Cuffing season is over: Best places on campus to break up with your significant other

Whether it’s the green spaces, reading rooms, restaurants, or historical architecture, there’s no shortage of places on campus to fall in love. However, when deciding where to break up with someone, things get a bit muddier. To help out with these nerve-wracking decisions, The McGill Tribune has identified the best spots at McGill to end things with your partner. 

Birks Basement

The stained glass Birks chapel and study room are among the most romantic places on campus, great for asking out your crush. The basement, on the other hand, is a decrepit network of weird hallways, mysterious rooms, and unsettling bathrooms: The perfect place to end it with your not-so-perfect other half. 

Bonus points if you both had to take your shoes off at the entrance. 

The Leacock hallway before an exam in 132 

What’s better than a quiet, one-on-one setting when you want to end things? How about a packed corridor with 600 nervous and erratic first year students. If things go poorly, you can always slowly disappear into the crowd and eat the guilt away with a box of Krispy Kreme frequently sold by tabling peers. 

Bonus points if the exam in 132 is the dumpee’s. 

In line at the hot-dog stand 

Between school, work, and hobbies, it’s always ideal to maximize your time. For years, the hot-dog cart has been your go-to place for a quick bite. Now, it just became your go-to breakup spot. The momentum of the line, the smell of the grill, and the trash-digging squirrels—what could be less endearing? At the end of it all, regardless of how the breakup goes, you can reward yourself with a hot-dog. 

Bonus points for ending it as they’re taking your order. 

During a lecture

If you share a class with your soon-to-be ex, the possibilities are endless for initiating the tragedy: At the start of class, during the powerpoint, or right at the final moments when students are asking questions—it all depends on what feels right to you. The Tribune recommends the moment when you sense the professor is about to go off on some tangent—that way you won’t have to miss any valuable material. If your ex starts hammering you about the breakup, just whisper, “Shh, I really need to pay attention.”

Bonus points if you snag the middle seats in the second row.

Quiet section of McLennan 

If you’re the type of student who rarely leaves the library during finals season, then there’s no reason to break that streak for a break up. If you want to do it right, start off by looking through the shelves for the biggest book you can find (atlases are good), then invite your partner to the library for a study date. Right as it looks like they’re getting into a good working grind, shoot them a quick message asking to break up (it’s the no-talking section), and then open the book to hide your face if need be. It’s efficient for both of you and courteous to the other library patrons. 

No bonus points on this one, I think it does enough damage. 

Lightning Round

Option 1: Post it on the MyCourses Discussion Board of a class you share.

Option 2: Urge the Provost to mention it at the bottom of the next email blast.

Option 3: Submit it to a vote in an SSMU referendum.

Option 4: Go the meta route. Show them this article and ask which they would prefer. 

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