Horoscopes, Private, Student Life

Fated fortunes and falterings: Mid-term horoscopes

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Aries

You will soon have a sighting of an iconic figure at McGill, such as Suzanne Fortier or Chris Buddle. Do not take this lightly: This is a sign. 

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Taurus

Beware of campus seagulls. The stars are revealing that they feel particularly aggressive this week. Their next target may just as well be you and your Redpath Cafe croissant.

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Gemini

Watch out, love is headed your way! With all your assets, you’re as hot as hot dog guy, and people are starting to take notice. But will you let this distract you from your assignments and exams? Your move, Gemini.

Cancer

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Something tells me you haven’t been studying as much as you should this semester. It may be time to reflect on your academic habits. If you get your work done instead of always putting it aside, you’ll be as free as Britney.

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Leo

We have a strong conviction that if you pay us each $50, you will ace all of your finals. Our venmo: Ya$$and$lay. 

Virgo

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Don’t go to office hours in-person this week. It may be tempting, but we can assure you that it will be most humiliating. (Hint: It involves spilling your Dispatch cappuccino all over your professor’s new Burberry jacket.)

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Libra

We know you have a lot of work looming over you right now, but as a wise guru once advised, “Don’t be sad, you’re so sexy.” Seriously! Look in the mirror, then walk forth into that exam room with your head held high.  

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Scorpio

Who says that love and academics can’t mix? For the rest of the month, stake out a McLennan crush. It’s the only thing that’ll keep you returning to our favourite brutalist dungeon. 

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Sagittarius

Dear Sagittarius, it’s time. The day has come to power through that bank of lectures you’ve been ignoring. To make the best of an unfortunate necessity, use the viewing experience as an opportunity to transcend your earthly limits: Play the recordings at 3x speed, turn off all the lights, set a few candles aflame, and become one with your professor’s voice

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Capricorn

This is your sign to express an unhinged thought in your conference. Shut that self-conscious inner voice up! Contrary to what its jabberings might caution, your ideas—that of a wide-eyed undergraduate—are pure brilliance. Maybe even use that intimate group setting to release some unresolved emotions. 

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

Aquarius 

Be bold, Aquarius. Try something new this week, and you may just realize that a fruitful but untravelled path was right underneath your nose this whole time. Follow it, and you may just find yourself at your local grocery store, buying a much-needed dose of fruits.

Pisces 

Winnie Lee / The McGill Tribune

A good cry never hurts a Pisces. Watch your favourite tear-jerker movie this week and indulge in a few solid bouts of sobbing. We’ve already drafted the accompanying email for you: Dear Professor, an unforeseeable and unavoidable tragedy has unfortunately arisen and which demands my time and attention.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

Read the latest issue