JOKE ISSUE: Former U.S. vice president takes advantage of new healthcare system

Dick Cheney was arrested yesterday afternoon for shoplifting at Walgreen’s in the Georgetown neighborhood of Washington, D.C. Police stated that Cheney thought he could now get over-the-counter medication for free. Cheney allegedly had eaten too much pizza on Saturday night, and was experiencing some mild heartburn when he decided to go to the local pharmacy.

JOKE ISSUE: Less than mediocrity

After a year that included a few wins, the McGill football team is confident that it won’t disappoint fans next year by being mediocre. The team plans to continue their losing streak, extending it to as many as three years. Star running back Alexander Hamilton will not be returning, which will help the Redmen get a fresh start on losing.

A tale of two hamburgers

For many people, hamburgers bring to mind bad cafeteria food and mystery meat. But two restaurants are redefining hamburgers, or at least getting back to the good old days. M:brgr, on Drummond and de Maisonneuve – best classified as diner-chic, with gleaming white tables and ketchup squirt bottles – serves up custom, gourmet hamburgers, spiked milkshakes, and other glamorized versions of hamburger joint classics.

It’s not too late to save your grades

Did you spend St. Patrick’s Day mourning your midterm grades over Guinness? It’s not too late to get the grades you want, but finals start in just over three weeks, so it’s time to get serious. Problem: You haven’t gone to class. Solution: Start going. You may feel lost, but the professors usually start to give hints about the final exam around this time.

Back to basics: margaritas

Canadian-Mexican cuisine is one step below Tex-Mex: anything that’s spicy and can be served with a tortilla is labeled as Mexican food. While I can’t change the food – the best Mexican food ingredients are nearly impossible to find in Montreal – the margaritas are certainly fixable.

OFF THE BOARD: Class you can watch in bed?

PSYCH 213: Cognition is like most 200-level psychology courses: it’s straightforward, chock-full of interesting studies that explain human behaviour, and it’s in Leacock 132. But unlike most large science classes, it’s not recorded. Among the many redundant questions posted on WebCT, there have been well over 100 requests to record Cognition lectures – in addition to dozens of emails and in-class appeals about the same subject.

Montreal and the Aerospace Industry

Like most sectors in today’s economy, the aerospace industry has suffered enormous losses over the past 18 months. Unlike its competitors, Montreal’s aerospace industry is heavily focussed on the production and distribution of regional jets. However, in the current economic climate, Canada’s primary aerospace hub will need to switch gears to a more environmentally friendly, more interconnected, and most of all, more innovative market.

McGill student lights up the Olympic Games

Most footage of the Olympic Torch Relay showcases celebrity athletes or political figures dutifully passing the Olympic flame in front of hundreds of cameras. While Olympians may be the only ones allowed to light the cauldron at the opening ceremonies, the Torch Relay consists of over 12,000 torchbearers, most of them non-athletes.

Sex, drugs, and exercise

Resolutions come every New Year’s, and be it losing weight, the latest diet, or just plain eating healthy, many people hope to look leaner by the year’s end. With one third of Canadians being obese, becoming healthier is an admirable resolution. Unfortunately, while many plan to skip the freezer section and throw out the take out menus, most of these resolutions will wane with Valentine’s Day chocolate.

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