Joke

The McGill holiday wish list

Merry Happy Holidays Christmas Chanukah Kwanzaa! Happy November 30!  Chanukah’s first candle will be lit tomorrow night, and Christmas has been well underway for a month now, at least based on the decorations and music in stores on St. Catherine Street.  With snow lining the streets and festive music all around, McGill is wrapped up in the holiday spirit.  There’s love, compassion, and everyone is asking the most important holiday question of all: What present will I get this year?  As always, the Tribune aims to give answers to your pressing problems. Take a look at this year’s McGill holiday wish list:

Tom Fabian wants someone to tell him it’s OK to keep that sweet mo of his once November ends.

The security guards are asking for heavy snowfall this year, or least enough so that bikers will finally have to dismount.

Layer-clad students are taking a study break to ask Santa for someone to figure out how to control the temperature in McGill buildings.

Campus bathroom goers want those super sweet Dyson Airblade hand dryers that dry your hands in exactly 12 seconds.  No, seriously.  Those are great.

Arts Students are wishing for no more class in Stewart Bio. It’s far. And ugly.

Gert’s wants wet blankets to stop killing their buzz and let them pump the music.

Morton Mendelson wants students to shut up about the Arch Café already.

Zach Newburgh still wants someone to join him at a Meet the President lunch.

The Martlet hockey team wants a challenge.

QPIRQ Opt-Out wants posters that are harder to rip.

Tadamon! wants more punctuation in its name.

SSMU Council is hoping that people get drunk enough over the  break so that they won’t remember about voting to change SSMU’s name to SSTEIRBBQSAUCE.

Professors want something to make them more interesting than the Internet.

That girl across from you in Cybertheque really wants a boyfriend.

The football team wants a win next year.  

All McGill students want construction to end.

The Quidditch team wants Harry to find the rest of the horcruxes and end this terrible war.

Patrons of Midnight Kitchen want smiles to be free instead of by donation.

The EUS wants to continue its hostile takeover bids; next up, AUS.

Hipsters can’t tell you what they want because if they did it wouldn’t be cool anymore, and you probably haven’t heard of it anyways.

HMB wants Uggs.

The Tribune wants something to report on besides the Arch Café.

Everybody at McGill should come to the Christmas/Chanukah Pageant on December 10 at 6 p.m. in Shatner 110.

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