Mark Corey, U1 Political Science, claims to have ingested a magical samosa, rendering him incapable of telling and writing anything but the truth. According to Corey, the otherworldly nature of this samosa revealed itself in the form of severe stomach pains and acute gastrointestinal distress.
“It was as if my body wanted to reject the divinity of the samosa,” Corey said.
The student hobbled to the McGill Student Health Service Clinic in a futile attempt to obtain treatment, foolishly disregarding its 1.4 star rating on Google Maps. In an unsurprising twist, no nurses were available to treat his ailment.
“I vomited into a wastebasket in the Brown building, not just due to my strict diet of cheap Lebanese food and canned chili, but because my body wanted to reject The Truth,”
After his harrowing experience, Corey said that his understanding of the complete objective truth crystalized.
“Suddenly a lot of the journalistic pieces I had been writing made zero sense whatsoever,” he said, still shivering from the aftershocks of his life-altering experience. “It was liberating…, but debilitating.”
As an editor for the McGill Weekly-Almost-Monthly (MWAM for short), Corey found that he could no longer write without getting his articles rejected by the paper.
“My problems began when I wrote an article on American politics’. It was rejected. Perhaps my prose had not met the stringent standards of MWAM?”
Disheartened, Corey attempted to write another article, entitled “Israel-Palestine: It’s Complicated.” MWAM promptly rejected the piece for not meeting their standards of objectivity and for promoting division.
Since then, Corey has been unable to fulfill his duties as editor at the paper. He was let go last week, effectively ending his short-lived journalistic career. Corey’s magic samosa snack had stolen his knack.
“My journalistic career was ruined because of one lousy, good for nothing magical samosa…. Now I can only write for the Tribune!”