McGill University’s Chief Medical Examiner Dr. John Bringham diagnosed three Tribune news editors and four McGill Daily editors with acute cases of Stockholm Syndrome on Monday. The Students’ Society’s biweekly Legislative Council meeting, he determined, was the chief cause.
“The diagnosis was clear,” he said. “At first, they hated SSMU Council, they desperately wanted their lives back. But after a few months, they fell in love with it.”
Tribune Editor-in-Chief Joel “Frat-boy” Drivel contacted Bringham two weeks ago following an incident at SSMU’s last Council meeting.
Council ended at roughly 10:30 p.m. As councillors and executives were leaving, the three Tribune editors and four Daily editors in attendance freaked out, throwing their Apple laptops to the floor, barricading the exit and demanding Council to reconvene.
“They were yelling, cursing, blowing smoke in our face,” said SSMU Councillor Mary Anne-Marie. “We weren’t allowed to leave, literally, they forced us to sit down, shut up, and adopt a new agenda. They were crazed.”
After adopting a new agenda, Council debated at length whether bottled tar-sand oil should be sold in Shatner. The meeting continued until security guards brandished the sign-in book at 1 a.m. Tribune News Editor Barry Mansfield tackled Jerry, bringing him to the ground. Police arrived shortly thereafter, arresting the three Tribune editors and four Daily editors. The editors were dragged kicking and screaming from the Lev Bukhman room. After the editors were processed, the police drove them to McGill Mental Health for further examination.