Joke

WebCT stupidity of the week

Computer Science Assignment submission problems “Same here. When push comes to shovel, I’ll overwrite my previous submission with a new version that includes question 3.”   Psychology Essay writing hints “11. Correctly making of the grammar will receive marks highly.”

Honest application answers

Application to the Future of: Steve Smythe Please answer the following questions truthfully. Provide verifiers for specific activities. Describe a situation when your actions had a positive influence on others. I’m sorry, people who will decide my future, but I did not find a cure for malaria, nor have I[Read More…]

Squirrel-watching Underreported

McGill Tribune Describing his main goals on the Students’ Society of McGill University website, President Zach Newburgh writes: “Let’s build community together by being socially-conscious, politically-aware, while vibrant in all areas of student interest.” This is a platform that I as a columnist respect and support. I find it a[Read More…]

THE HELPLESS ROMANTIC: Advice for a pope

O Pope Benny XVI! Was it some relic of your former university professorships that demanded you use full quotations when citing sources? Did you also offer footnotes or a nice handout about how Manuel II was on the verge of losing his empire to Muslims when he said Muhammad brought only evil? I read most of your speech, and I agree with you about God not being pleased by blood-it’s tough for any major religion to disagree with that and not look like some killer cult-but it’s easy to skirt the issue when they can home in on your insults towards their religion’s founder.

JOKE ISSUE: Adventures in abstinence

Let me make things perfectly clear: I am a virgin. Never been kissed, disrobed, or had my hand held. Now let me make something even clearer: I’m not a virgin because no one wants to have sex with me, but because I’m incredibly good-looking – think an 11 on a scale of 10 – and I can get anyone I want.

JOKE ISSUE: Snoop D-O-double-G-P-S

Owners of the TomTom GPS navigation system can now choose to “roll down the street, sippin’ on gin and juice” with rap superstar Snoop Dogg (who does not, in any way, advocate drinking and driving) as their guide. The voiceskin is available for purchase from TomTom for $12.

JOKE ISSUE: The Francophone Conspiracy: confuse Anglophones

When I moved to Quebec to attend McGill, I knew I would have to learn a little bit of French. I saw this challenge as an exciting opportunity to learn something new – but I never imagined it would be so phenomenally difficult. French is riddled with words that sound exactly alike, yet have completely different meanings.

JOKE ISSUE: McGill Frosh gives birth to new sport, Naismith very impressed

To say that McGill has helped shape many of the sports we know and love today would be the understatement of the century. From popularizing American football in the late 1800s to forming the first organized ice hockey team in the world, to inventing the game of basketball, McGill has served as a veritable think-tank for athletics over the years.

JOKE ISSUE: Less than mediocrity

After a year that included a few wins, the McGill football team is confident that it won’t disappoint fans next year by being mediocre. The team plans to continue their losing streak, extending it to as many as three years. Star running back Alexander Hamilton will not be returning, which will help the Redmen get a fresh start on losing.

Read the latest issue