Arts & Entertainment, Music

CD REVIEWS: Joey Stylez: The Blackstar

The question of whether music can ever be objectively good or bad has plagued musicians and critics alike for decades. Joey Stylez’s debut album, The Blackstar, has finally answered it. His music is absolutely the worst combination of sound I’ve ever heard, and for me, he’s redefined the concept of bad music. The screeching of his voice combined with his attempts to combine electro and alternative make his songs both painful and headache-inducing.

Listening to his tracks is an excellent way to feel your own brain cells dying rapidly. Highlights of the under-worked album include rhyming words with themselves and using grunts to stay on beat, such as in the chorus of the song “Sugar Cane,” which goes, “She’s comin’ home with me / she’s all alone with me uh huh.” Most unnerving are Stylez’s lyrics, as they lack the wit to legitimize their offensive nature. Beyond being underdeveloped, most are simply nonsensical. For instance, in “Gorgeous Gangster,” Stylez sings, “Drugs in my pocket / money in my pocket / she gets me high call her bottle rocket / kitty go purr / staring in the mirror cause’ I’m feelin’ myself.” Stunning lyrics like these superimposed over poorly-constructed songs make this album a disgrace to the music industry.

With a last name including “style” in it, you might expect Stylez to have some of it himself. Instead, his album features enough atrocious hip-hop, rap, alternative and pop to piss off fans of each of these genres.

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