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Joke Issue - page 2

Joke Issue

McGill releases ‘Fill-in-the-blank’ statement to be used for next McGill scandal

On March 27, the McGill administration released a partly-blank statement for students to use when condemning of any future scandals. An explanation accompanying the statement clarifies that after the series of recent scandals involving McGill and the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU), the administration has decided to no longer release individual statements. Now, if… Keep Reading

Joke Issue

Montreal hipster ‘heard of it first’

In the Mile-End neighbourhood of Montreal, tote bags too-small-to-carry-anything-in are catching on. But local hipster James Bax assures that he totally heard of it first.  “Everyone started using these tote bags all of a sudden,” Bax said. “But I started it. I mean, I’ve used aesthetically-pleasing but nonfunctional things for years. Like those glasses with… Keep Reading

Joke Issue

Marty the Martlet elected SSMU president

McGill mascot Marty the Martlet was announced as winner of the presidential contest for the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) for the 2017-18 school year. The gigantic bird fought a hard campaign against Jane Darnold, ultimately finding success with his “Just Wing It,” platform. Upon hearing the news, Darnold was upset. “He can’t even speak!… Keep Reading

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Joke Issue

Principal Fournier purchases fleets of car to aid walk from Leacock to McIntyre

After a disappointing meeting with members of Divest McGill, McGill University Principal Josie-Anne Fournier announced plans to address a growing student complaint: The hike from Leacock Building to the McIntyre Medical Building. “We will be purchasing 20 fleets of Cadillac Escalades to transport students to and from Leacock and McIntyre for free," Fournier said. “These vehicles will help students… Keep Reading

Joke Issue

April Fools Issue 2016

The McGill Tribune presents its articles for its annual April Fools' Joke issue:  Stories SSMU turns to flip cup to decide result of “divisive” and “external” motions​ McGill to divest from colour red Student crashes Minerva by accidently completing course evaluation Varsity LARP team wins regional championship Students discovered in suspended animation under melting snowbanks… Keep Reading

Joke Issue

SSMU turns to flip cup to decide result of “divisive” and “external” motions

In the aftermath of the failed attempt to pass a constitutional amendment creating a Steering Committee to prevent “divisive” and “external” motions from being voted on at the General Assembly (GA), The Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) Council has announced a new procedure for dealing with controversial motions. Instead of being voted on, controversial… Keep Reading

Joke Issue

Principal, missing since March 23, found safe

Principal and Vice-Chancellor of McGill University Josie-Anne Fortimer, who has been missing since March 23, has been found safe, though at this time her exact location is unknown. Fortimer disappeared seemingly without a trace after announcing to the university via email that the Board of Governors (BoG) will not be divesting from its investments in… Keep Reading

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