Melanie Simon, Biology, U2 (Alexandra Allaire / McGill Tribune)
Melanie Simon, Biology, U2 (Alexandra Allaire / McGill Tribune)

Student of the Week

a/Student Living/Student of the Week by

Q: What’s your dream job?

A: This is the nerdiest answer you’re ever going to get—I really just want to work in a lab and do lab things; like wear a lab coat and look in my microscope.

Q: What’s one book you think everyone should read?

A: Obviously, the Harry Potter series. My boyfriend [said], “I hate Harry Potter,” and I [said], “I don’t know if this is going to work out.” I have the whole series on our bookshelf in our living room, and I just love it. It’s like something you grow up with.

Q: What’s your secret talent?

A: I have a bunch of random biology facts that I drop on everyone sometimes. You know when you like someone’s body odour? Like, sometimes people are attracted to body odour….and that’s good because it actually shows that your immune systems would be compatible if you had kids. You recognize the smell of their immune system, so if you’re not disgusted by it, it means that your immune systems are compatible—or different enough—that you’ll have a kid with a really good immune system.

Q: If you could trade lives with anyone for a day, who would it be, and what would you do?

A: Probably the Long Island Medium. I would just have the biggest hair and be so obnoxious, going up to people in the grocery store being like “Who passed?” And they would cry, and it’d be awesome.

Q: What’s your least favourite sound in the world?

A: You know those winter jackets you used to have as a kid that were really starchy and hard? Those big colourful kids jackets that are really rough and hard to touch? The sound that they make when they rub together. It’s the worst sound. It actually makes me so uncomfortable; it makes me want to throw up.

Q: Describe midterm season in three words.

A: Anything but studying.

Q: If you could create a new national holiday, what would it be?

A: Apparently, last week was national Pancake day in the US, and IHOP was giving out free stacks of pancakes; I would be down to do that in Canada.

Q: What word or phrase do you most overuse?

A: I’m going to have to say ‘poo.’ Usually I use it to censor myself from saying other words though, to be fair.

Q: What technological development do you hope to see in your lifetime?

A: Selfishly, teleportation. The thing is, I always leave for class late, and I live like two seconds from campus, so it’s not fair that I do that. It’s not okay, because I’m always there at 10:36 when I could have been there before the class started. But [more altruistically], I would say cures for diseases.

Q: If you were an alcoholic beverage, which one would you be?

A: I would be a Corona with a slice of lime on a hot day.

Q: What’s one thing you would change about McGill?

A: More tunnels. Heated in the winter, and cold in the summer. With maps everywhere. And an app [with a map] that you can check in the tunnels, and Wi-Fi in the tunnels. There you go.

Q: What’s your lucky charm?

A: I always use the same pencil to write all my notes for a final, and [then] I use it for the final.

Q: What happens if you lose the pencil?

A: Disaster. Apocalypse.

Q: What reality TV show are you perfect for?

A: Give me forty years, and I’ll be perfect for Extreme Cougar Wives. Or Keeping up with the Kardashians. I want to be one of the Kardashians.

Q: Who would star in the story of your life?

A: One time a guy told me I looked like Natalie Portman, as like, trying to hit on me, and I laughed for like ten years. So probably not Natalie Portman. Ellen Page? No that’s bad, I don’t like her that much. April from Parks and Rec. Aubrey Plaza.

Q: Why are you an asset to McGill?

A: I’m the largest revenue builder for Sinfully Asian.