Finals season horoscopes

As the long month of November wears on and finals preparation begins, you might be in need of some guidance right now. While you could just go to your professor’s office hours, why not read your very own McGill horoscope right here instead? We’ll tell you everything you need to know for the month ahead.

Aries

Since Mercury is in retrograde now until Nov. 20, you might find the past bubbling up in ways you did not expect. You’ll find yourself wondering why you skipped so many classes to sleep in until noon. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it now except harass your friends for notes. You might also find yourself tempted to text your ex, to which we say, “Why not?” You have nothing to lose: Seize the moment.

Taurus

Do not make eye contact with the squirrels on campus over the next few weeks. They can smell fear and they will likely place a curse on you that will make you flunk your finals. If you do accidentally catch their eye, do not be the first to break eye contact. Charge at them if you’re feeling particularly feisty. Win the battle and triumph over fate.

 

 

Gemini

Studying for finals can be so boring, and you’re an air sign, so you need some excitement in your life right now. Get a joint finsta account with your bestie or significant other. It might wreak havoc in your relationship but think of all the drama! You can thrive off of that for months.

Cancer

Pro-tip for this finals season: Schedule your emotional breakdowns on the days you need to wash your hair. Showers are the perfect place to cry loudly, especially if you’re in a shared bathroom. Plus, the water will reduce the friction when you blow your nose into your hands. It’s not a glamorous look, but you need to be messy sometimes.

Leo

Play devil’s advocate in your conference this week. Don’t back down. Flip a desk if you have to. This is how you can assert dominance over both your peers and the TA, who will give you an A on behalf of your sheer Chad energy.

Virgo

Hey, don’t stress yourself out about finals. Yes, we know that you’re a perfectionist, but you’ve been doing well all semester. It will be okay. Binge-watch that show that you’ve been meaning to see. Have you seen Fleabag yet?

Libra

When you come to a crossroads in your life this finals season, take the road less travelled. Waitactually, you should take the road more travelled. That might be the better option. Safer, too, I bet. But maybe you’d be better off taking the road less travelled? Ugh, decisions are so hard.

 

Scorpio

Even though the weather is getting colder, you need to calm down and take a cold shower. Don’t get distracted by that hottie in your group project now. Snap out of it! Your one true love for this month is the sixth floor of McLennan.

Sagittarius

Okay, Sagittarius, please go to office hours. We know you’re in need of some guidance right now, like a SSMU baby seeking a rope to hold on to. Look on the bright side: Your birthday and Christmas are right around the corner.

Capricorn

You know that class that you always want to skip? You know the one I’m talking about. You should go—that will be your worst final. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. 

Aquarius

You know that class that you always want to skip? This week’s class will be super unimportant, and it is definitely not worth going to campus. Convince your Capricorn friend to skip with you. Get some overpriced Dispatch avocado toast instead, you deserve it.

 

Pisces

Instead of crying about your finals, you should give yourself bangs. Do it. You won’t regret it. Trust us.

(Image credits: Winnie Lee)

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