Around the water cooler

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In case you were too busy enjoying your weekly fix of Mayor Ford news, here’s what you missed this past week in the world of sports…


NFL–It looked like the weather patterns from Toronto’s political storm drifted south, wreaking havoc on the Windy City. The Chicago Bears’ contest against the Baltimore Ravens was delayed by two hours due to tornado storm warnings. Chicago overcame the weather delay to defeat Baltimore in overtime in a five-hour game that left the reigning Super Bowl Champions looking like the empty bottle in Mayor Ford’s desk drawer. It was also a tough week for starting quarterbacks across the league as Geno Smith, Christian Ponder, and Case Keenum all found themselves glued to the bench after turning the ball over a combined six times.

NHL–The Lightning haven’t missed a beat without Steven Stamkos, as the team has churned out back-to-back wins. However, Stamkos’ injury leaves Canada’s Olympic team in disarray as they look to be without one of their top players. Despite a thorough investigation by Canadian officials, it appears that the KGB was not involved in the injury. In marginally related news, the Canadian Olympic and Detroit Red Wings’ Head Coach Mike Babcock is set to receive an honorary law degree from McGill on Nov. 25th. This decision has caused hundreds of McGill students to seek head coaching opportunities in an effort to avoid writing their LSATs.

NBA–Don’t lie, you thought the Spurs were too old…again. After being one rebound away from winning the NBA title, the boring Spurs are up to their usual tricks. They continue to ruin fantasy basketball teams with their balanced attack and unusual rotation. Coach Greg Popovich loves to periodically bench Duncan because he is ‘old,’ but The Big Fundamental just keeps on fooling Father Time. The squad also holds the record for being the winningest team never to be mentioned on ESPN. In other news, riots are on the verge of breaking out in Brooklyn and New York as the teams continue to under-perform.

NCAA Basketball–The Utah Jazz can barely wait after Tuesday’s March Madness preview. The basketball season—now known as the ‘How long until we get paid?’ season—saw freshman Julius Randle post a monstrous game, recording a game high 27 points while posting a double-double. Despite Randle’s performance, Tom Izzo’s Michigan State Spartans squeaked out a four-point victory in the final minutes. The big game was followed up with a showdown between the top two freshmen in the country. While the Great White North’s great new hope Andrew Wiggins’ Jayhawks took home the win, Jabari Parker made it rain from three-point range and narrowly beat out Wiggins on the score sheet.

NCAA Football–With Ohio State, Florida State, and Alabama all winning this weekend, it looks like the BCS will be going out in a Rob Ford-sized controversy. The Buckeyes and Seminoles don’t play another ranked team this season and will likely finish the season undefeated. On the other hand, Alabama has a tricky schedule ahead as they take on the sixth ranked Auburn Tigers on Nov. 30. Be assured, riots will also break out in Columbus if another undefeated season ends without a berth in the BCS championship game.