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Indoor season ends in defeat

While the average women’s soccer fan at McGill might point to the team’s impressive conference record and harvest of major year-end awards as signs of a successful 2009-10 campaign, the Martlet players and coaching staff aren’t nearly satisfied with the season’s results.

JOKE ISSUE: Adventures in abstinence

Let me make things perfectly clear: I am a virgin. Never been kissed, disrobed, or had my hand held. Now let me make something even clearer: I’m not a virgin because no one wants to have sex with me, but because I’m incredibly good-looking – think an 11 on a scale of 10 – and I can get anyone I want.

JOKE ISSUE: Less than mediocrity

After a year that included a few wins, the McGill football team is confident that it won’t disappoint fans next year by being mediocre. The team plans to continue their losing streak, extending it to as many as three years. Star running back Alexander Hamilton will not be returning, which will help the Redmen get a fresh start on losing.