In addressing this popular topic, I don’t intend to touch on the classic male fantasy involving two women simultaneously fulfilling his deepest desires. Such a situation is more fantasy than reality, and I find it rather disrespectful towards women. Keep in mind, respect is the golden rule when exploring new frontiers. Encounters usually begin with an open-minded couple inviting someone with whom they feel comfortable into the bedroom. Generally, the additional party to the couple is someone quite close. So given this dynamic, how can we ensure that everything goes right and no feelings are hurt?
I find myself to be pretty open minded when it comes to sharing lovers. I’m as far from the jealous type as it gets. However, this is not true for everyone. Both the couple and those joining them need to be incredibly cautious when it comes to each individual’s boundaries and comfort level. Communication is key! I can’t stress this point enough. Without knowing what each person is willing to engage in, disaster can strike. Threesomes might sound like fun and games, but you would be surprised at how quickly the Hindenburg burns. Watching your special other give attention to someone else can be startling even for those who are most open-minded.
During my life, I’ve enjoyed the great pleasure of engaging in several such expeditions. My various experiences include being invited to join a couple, having a girl join me and my girlfriend at the time, as well as having two couples switch partners half way through, moving from homo to heterosexual.
There are a few key points of advice I feel I can impart upon my interested readers. First, having someone take charge can help put everyone at ease. Envision a sexual ringleader of sorts. Second, be sure to include everyone. This is an extremely sensitive situation. Finally, relax. It’s just sex. Let your inhibitions go. Over-thinking the situation can only limit your fun. Most sex involving more than two has at least some sort of homosexual overtone. So let yourself or your partner indulge, and be sure to make the best of your special evening.
A threesome was something I saw as a right of passage to bidding my college years adieu. It was something I knew I wanted to experiment with, and I saw these years as the platform to do so. However, the proposed threesome snuck up on me in a way I never planned.
My friend, Alexandra, and I wandered our way down St. Laurent Boulevard to our default late night prowling location: Biftek. I wouldn’t exactly describe this as a place where dreams come true, but we were desperate to sit down. Immediately we struck up a conversation with a man who was standing near the door when we walked in. An hour later the man had wedged his way in between Alexandra and me and we were all drinking and laughing.
Fast-forward to two hours later when we were in a cab heading back to the man’s house and all settled down on the living room floor. I closed my eyes and tried to take in Blonde Redhead’s haunting voice, but it only added to my apprehension. The man began kissing Alexandra as I sat a couple of feet away, but then pulled my hand in and involved me in the situation. Then he began kissing me as Alexandra’s hand lay on my leg. I wanted to want it but there was nothing about the situation that was turning me on.
While the flow was genuine and natural, the problem lay in the man himself. I curled myself up in a ball as I watched the man and Alexandra continue to kiss. Then it happened—after four years of friendship, Alexandra kissed me. Surprisingly, that was the only act of the night that made me feel something other than doubt. Perhaps it was the familiarity of warmth and her smell or maybe I just found her more attractive than the man. It was in this moment that I felt what I was lacking with the other partner, and I urged Alexandra to call a cab so we could leave.
I wasn’t willing to push myself in a situation that felt so fundamentally unsettling. I would like to believe that I am capable of such an act, but perhaps it’s just not for me. After much reflection I thought that the problem was the foreignness of all the elements involved. If I were to try it again, I would do it with two people that I knew.
If you’re experimenting, I urge you to take all the necessary steps to make sure that you’re as comfortable as possible. It’s already quite an exotic act, requiring boundary pushing and personal release, so make sure you take the doubt out of the other key elements.