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The Old Colossus: A case for the removal of the Statue of Liberty

Laughing Matters/Opinion by

Lately, American cities have been removing statues that have been deemed no longer representative of the nation’s values. I, as an American, wholeheartedly support this trend. That said, I’m utterly shocked by some of the gross oversights that have occurred. Municipal governments have moved to take down Confederate monuments, which is all fine and dandy, but Americans have ignored the one piece of statuary that least embodies what America in 2017 stands for: The Statue of Liberty.

I’d like to be the first to suggest that we take the stupid lady down already. She won’t be missed. Freedom, liberty, and inalienable rights are bygone terms that have now been hijacked by radical liberals. Have you ever read the hogwash written on that thing? “Give me your tired”? Pfft. Lazy. “Your poor?” A bunch of freeloaders. “Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free?” There it is again, that blasted word “free.” We don’t want it. The freedom to come to America was thankfully reserved for my great-grandparents—so that their descendants could tell everyone else to bugger off. To suggest that the American dream means that anyone—regardless of their background—can succeed if they are willing to work hard, be a good citizen, and pay their taxes is preposterous. Cue the DACA repeal. Dear Lady Liberty, no thank you to the so-called “homeless, tempest-tost”—we only care about them if they’re in Houston anyway.

The real danger with the ethos embodied by the Statue of Liberty is that it gives everyone these ridiculous notions of equality and freedom. Take, for example, the U.S. military: There are currently transgender Americans who want to enlist in the armed forces, risking life and limb halfway across the world from their loved ones in the name of the U.S.A.. The audacity! When did we let this freedom thing ring so loudly? Clearly the wisest reaction to this wasn’t to embrace these people, who were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for their country, but rather to ban them from serving in the military. God bless America.

Municipal governments have moved to take down Confederate monuments, which is all fine and dandy, but Americans have ignored the one piece of statuary that least embodies what America in 2017 stands for: The Statue of Liberty.

Take a moment and imagine what the Statue of Liberty symbolizes to some people. What if it included some rubbish about a country that holds freedom of speech above all else? What if Americans then believed that the truth should stand on its own and not have to be supported by the censorship of dissenting opinions? Just look in your own backyard. Environmental Protection Agency researchers running amok, indoctrinating American children into thinking that their beliefs must be held up by rigorous experiment. If we continue to let them speak freely, we will not be able to effectively stem the tide of climate change propaganda. People will begin to believe that the largest hurricane in the history of the Atlantic Ocean is more than a mere coincidence. It will be a total nightmare. Fortunately, that’s what gag orders are for.

The truth is, America sure as hell doesn’t want all the baggage that comes along with the Statue of Liberty. Immigrants? No thank you. Transgender equality? Not in my America. Freedom of speech and thought? Dangers to society.

So, there it is. That iconic slab of rubbish in New York Harbour doesn’t effectively personify American ideals anymore, and we have the policies to prove it. So, unless we can clean up our act, we better take it down.

 

Noah Fisher is a first-year student studying Political Science and Economics. He offers free haircuts to anyone willing to be a guinea pig.

 

 

 

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