Ah, the holidays, 'tis the season to be jolly! There are, after all, many perks to the winter break: sleeping in, partying with old friends, presents and good food. Yet, there is one unforeseen issue, one problem that is always overlooked until it hits you smack on the face, or, well, until it pinches your cheek: "So, why doesn't a good looking kid like you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?" Little does your grandmother know that while you are good looking in her mind, in reality, you may be pretty damn awkward. It's clear that the past four months of stress, anxiety and general apprehension is nothing compared to the bombardment of questions one faces during the holiday season. So, in order to be prepared to answer and/or effectively dodge such questions, start studying! After all, this article is a bit more interesting than reviewing the notes for your up coming organic chemistry final (possibly).
How's school going?
For some, this question is easy to answer, for others, it can be a bit rough. Be sure to round up all grades to the nearest plus. When a B all of the sudden becomes a B+, Grandpa George will be less likely to have a heart attack, and there isn't a chance that he's going to log onto your Minerva account and look at your unofficial transcript, anyways. Also, insist to Debbie, that successful CEO of an aunt, that although you are taking a useless Arts degree, you've been dabbling in a few management courses, she'll be less likely to harass you about your future.
So, how's your love life?
Everyone hates being asked questions pertaining to their love life-particularly if the questions are being posed by relatives-and especially if you haven't had a significant other since 2002. Sadness. When each and every one of your cousins brings their fiancée to the Hanukkah party and you show up with messy hair and dark circles under your eyes, don't fret, because Uncle Bobby's best friend's great great nephew is in medical school and he's single. In order to dodge being set up with a nerdy 23-year-old who sits in the library all day try three different tactics. One, suggest that you're seeing someone but it isn't serious yet. Two, tell them that you're still getting over your last partner and are just dating around. Or, three, tell them that getting into law school is much more important than getting some.
The Future.
Four years goes by in the blink of an eye. When asked about the future, slowly back out of the room and suggest that it is necessary for you to keep an eye on the turkey at all times. There is really no need to get into any sort of discussion since each family member will suggest that you take the road they took, and biomedical engineering just isn't in the cards for a political science major.
Run and hide.
What's readily available at home? A car. Sneak out of the family party early, drive across town and crash your best friend's holiday fiesta. In a room full of strangers one can pretend to be everything they are not. Really, no one is going to know that you aren't actually studying astrophysics and engaged to a wealthy entrepreneur!
2008 Woodie Awards
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