Tre Mansdoerfer congratulates Corinne Bulger on not having to be SSMU President

On March 21, Elections SSMU announced that Tre Mansdoerfer, U2 Engineering, is the president-elect of the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) for the 2018-2019 school year. With a differential of only 69 votes between the two candidates, Mansdoerfer explained that while he remained hopeful throughout election night, he eventually had to muster the pride to call his opponent and concede.

“Obviously I wish the results had gone the other way,” Mansdoerfer said in an interview with The McGill Tribune. “But Corinne ran a hardfought campaign, and no one is more qualified to be one of the 27,525 students who does not have to publicly represent this decaying institution.”

While Mansdoerfer is disappointed by the election’s outcome, he has total faith in Bulger.

“Again, Corinne is one of the kindest and most hardworking people I know,” Mansdoerfer added. “She has earned every opportunity to not have to interact with a group of politically-ambitious, borderline-sociopathic 20-year-olds.”

Bulger, U2 Arts, said she appreciates Mansdoerfer’s support, and acknowledges that he was equally as worthy a candidate.

“With a voting participation of only 16.5 per cent, the election results really could have gone either way,” Bulger said. “Tre has contributed so much to the McGIll Community over the past three years, and I really wish there was room for two of us to avoid Legislative Council.”

Mansdoerfer says he’s trying to remain positive regardless, focusing his energy on some of the job’s more exciting projects, like avoiding asbestos-related illnesses, and working to solve the Palestinian-Israeli conflict once and for all.

“Right now I’m just trying to focus on teambuilding,” Mansdoerfer said. “I really hope to have a more cohesive executive than last year’s.”

In addition to Mansdoerfer, the newly-elected executive team is comprised of an accused Zionist spy, as well as an alleged anti-semite.

“Accessibility, transparency, and accountability,” Mansdoerfer keeps repeating dead-eyed.

At press time, Mansdoerfer was seen preemptively drafting a tell-all to the Bull & Bear and whisper-shouting “institutional memory” under his breath.

This article is a work of satire and is part of the Tribune’s 2018 Joke Issue.

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