McGill mascot Marty the Martlet was announced as winner of the presidential contest for the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) for the 2017-18 school year. The gigantic bird fought a hard campaign against Jane Darnold, ultimately finding success with his “Just Wing It,” platform.
Upon hearing the news, Darnold was upset.
“He can’t even speak! He’s a literal gigantic plush bird,” Darnold said. “The debate was just a series of shrugs and dances. I don’t think he even knows he was running.”
Despite her qualms, hopes are high for the Martlet’s presidency. Students were positively atwitter about his optimistic demeanor in the face of adversity.
“I just loved how he always put his best tail forward,” U2 Arts Student Aaron Sanders said. “With everything going on at SSMU this year, I feel like I needed a friendly face—someone to make me feel better about all the controversy.”
Upon hearing the news, Marty enthusiastically hopped up and down with what could possibly be described as glee. Unfortunately, because he cannot vocalize, his communication was limited to dance.
How this limitation will impact his presidency going forward remains a question. That said, his victory serves as a sign of hope.
This article is a work of satire and is part of the Joke Issue.