Frankly, planning the perfect schedule is no joke. When I need to choose my classes for the school year (and I always know when this is; it’s in my calendar), I really, really need to weigh out my options. I log onto Visual Schedule Builder and I begin to optimize […]
Joke
McGill athletes victorious in sporting competition
The McGill Sportspeople (4–11) prevailed over cross-town rivals UdeQÀM (50–1) by quite a bit at the Sporting Event on April 1. The first fraction of the game was marked by tension and excitement as players on both teams made plays. While McGill initially struggled to gain momentum, their star-studded offensive […]
McGill’s downtown campus declared national park to protect local seagull and squirrel population
Following the McGill administration’s closure of campus until May 1 as a result of directives of the provincial government regarding limiting the spread of COVID-19, the McGill community was forbidden from gathering on the university’s grounds. Overnight, the McGill campus was devoid of its human population, who turned to Zoom’s […]
Horoscopes for the week of March 29 to April 4, 2020
Good tidings to you, reader. I hope my greetings find you well. In these strange times we all need a little reassurance to help us keep going. I will remind you that there is indeed a tomorrow, and that tomorrow brings new and exciting challenges and experiences for us, even […]
Title Club gives students titles of their choosing
The new Title Club joins 501 other student clubs registered with the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU). Students who attend one of their Executive Networking General Seminar meetings, which occur for 30 minutes on a daily basis, have the opportunity to come up with new titles to “DIY their […]
Plumber’s Faucet alleges Suzanne Fortier is five owls in a trench coat
An article in The Plumber’s Faucet recently confirmed what McGill’s student body has long suspected: Principal and Vice-Chancellor Suzanne Fortier is not, in fact, a middle-aged woman with a passion for crystallography, but five owls stacked talon-to-beak in a medium-sized trench coat. The allegations, brought forth in an article titled “10 […]
I went to every single Montreal emergency room and this is a definitive list of them, ranked
According to the Health Ministry of Quebec, emergency room wait times in Montreal have increased from a median of 4.4 to 4.5 hours over the last year. With little hope that this number will decrease significantly over the next few years, The McGill Tribune has compiled a definitive list of […]
Montreal Curling Club announces new sponsorship deal with Swiffer™
On March 25, Canada’s most decorated curling club, The Montreal Curling Club, announced their new sponsorship deal with the iconic household brand Swiffer™. Club President Joey Moore and Swiffer™ CFO Howard Tallman signed a five-year contract worth $1,000 at the club’s office in Côte-des-Neiges. “We here at Swiffer™ are just […]
Student eats magical samosa of truth, devastates journalistic career
Mark Corey, U1 Political Science, claims to have ingested a magical samosa, rendering him incapable of telling and writing anything but the truth. According to Corey, the otherworldly nature of this samosa revealed itself in the form of severe stomach pains and acute gastrointestinal distress. “It was as if my […]
SSMU World Order
Just two months after McGill unveiled plans for the new Rossy Student Wellness Hub, advertising it as a one-stop shop for all McGill healthcare services, SSMU announced plans for a competing wellness hub. McGill will now have two one-stop shops for all students’ physical and mental health needs. “The administration […]